FLORIDA MAN MAKES ANNOUNCEMENT

With just 720 days to go before the next election, a Florida retiree made the surprise announcement Tuesday night that he was running for president.

In a move no political pundit saw coming, avid golfer Donald J. Trump kicked things off at Mar-aLago, his resort and classified-documents library.

Trump, famous for goldplated lobbies and for firing people on reality television, will be 78 in 2024. If elected, Trump would tie Joe Biden as the oldest president to take office. His cholesterol levels are unknown, but his favorite food is a charred steak with ketchup.

He has stated that his qualifications for office include being a “stable genius.”

Trump also served as the 45th president.